my-beautiful illusion <3

2010-12-13T13:45:00.003+08:00

i thought i was already immune after 2 years...
apparently not.

why do i feel so lost?
whenever you went back i would just cry for awhile & im fine
but why when i left hong kong without you...
my emotions seem uncontrollable...
i just keep on crying for no reason
crying while i eat such that i cant even swallow
i dont understand
i thought i could handle it
i guess im not as strong as i think eh?

i miss being able to feel ur presense everyday
hug & kiss u everyday
without any circumstances.
but now, i see u mostly through a computer screen...
i feel like dropping all my studies and living in hong kong with you
in your tiny house
i dont care about how humble we would live
as long as i can see and feel you everyday

damn, why do i have such i punishment?
why must life tear those i love away from me all the time...
i must have commited some great sin..
maybe im a jinx? i dont know

ARGH DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
people always complain of nagging parents
sometimes i feel like slapping them..
cause all i want is for them to stay with me...

i miss you mummy... T.T

2010-10-18T19:42:00.004+08:00

my heart feels like exploding,

& spilling out all my feelings to you

but i know i cant...

cause i aint good enough for you.

i found you in my heart,

but i feel unworthy of your love.

2010-09-16T21:27:00.003+08:00

though a smile conceals my sorrows like makeup,
but when you look into my eyes,
you'll see hell breaking lose within me.

when people ask me if im okay
how could i say im not alright?
the person'll just stay in shock
of course i'll brush it off with "im alright"
cause i know you wouldn't console me
& i dont want to hope so much that you'll care about me
i'll just be left even more dejected

i guess i shocked the class yesterday
well, i shocked myself too
i used to hold it in,
tell my story with a smile to reassure the audience
but my bottled feelings just simply exploded
i really dont know why...

you asked if i was okay
hell, i was embarrassed to cry infront of you
man, all i wanted to say was that i aint okay
and hoped that you would pull me into ur embrace
but i know that'll never happen
all i could do was nod...

damn, why did i cry infront of the whole class.
i thought i could control my feelings well...
my voice just started cracking up and tears clouded my eyes
i managed to control my feelings in the 5 years of living with only my mum
but then another problem came up and my only source of comfort left me,
and i handled it for almost 2 years...
WHY!
gah i feel so pathetic
people dont dare to talk to me now
as if i'll burst into tears at the spot
sigh...

tell me that ur concern was sincere,
tell me that you wanna console me
tell me that you want to take me in your arms,
& kiss thsoe tears away...
damn, i should stop dreaming.

well, now the whole class know about my life...
why im so introverted
why i always keep things to myself.
cause im afraid of getting hurt,
i built a shell around myself
keep my heart safe in the enclosed space
but although how hard it was to build it
it was so easy to break..

gah,
i just really wanna have a good long cry
in sombody's arms
someone who would console me and tell me its alright
someone who would make my life worthwhile...

i hope desperately that the words you say were meant for me
i wished the person who stole ur heart was me.
i wanted you to say you love me...

im tired.
im tired of waiting for something that'll never happen
i think too highly of myself.

if i said i love you,

would you love me back?

2010-08-20T19:07:00.002+08:00

i feel like im made from china
everytime i look at the mirror,
the person i see aint me
its just a smiling mask.

i used to speak my mind, laugh happily;
but now, even when im angry,
i just keep silent.
i just cant be bothered anymore
and i dont know why.

--------------------------------------

you're just so selfish you know ?
just for your own advantage, you cost others' disadvantage
do you have any morality at all?
you act like you didnt mean it when obviously you did
u complain of others being very hard to get along with
did u know you're worse?
i cant stand ur attitude that you think you're so good
& everybody has to sacrifice for you.
well, fuck you
i hope it eats at your conscience all your life.
you fucking spoilt my day

-------------------------------------------------------

quit playing with me.
seriously
everything you do
it just makes me blush like mad
maybe thats your motive
to embarass me
i kept thinking of what you did the whole day.
and i wondered foolishly maybe you liked me
obviously its impossible.
there are so many eligible girls out there,
but of all me?
its kinda hard to believe.

your words make me wonder if they're for me.
then i scold myself for being so stupid
what am i hoping for anyway?

last year you complimented me about my lens
no i didnt forget
i cant anyway

today you complimented that i had nice hair
i looked at you weirdly to hide my embarrassment
and turned back with colour rising in my cheeks
i wish i could read your mind.

---------------------------------------------------

im sick of waking up everyday
& plastering that fake smile on my face
i feel so fake
its like i cant find anything genuine about myself anymore.

Girl: Why are you so smart? can you be my tutor?
Boy: Why are you so beautiful, can you be my girlfriend?

maybe you're the one who'll find my smile back.
perhaps im just wishing for the impossible.

2010-07-13T17:00:00.003+08:00

alone, as i always am.

my legs hurt like hellllll.
dammit.
somehow,
i feel my brain's going to burst
i cant hold it in no longer
i need someone i can pour out my sorrows to
but no~ i'm judged as complaining.
yeah whatever

you get my hopes up,
then you hurled it from the hundreth storey
i cant help but realise her lookin at you
& i cant help but abhore her
i dont wanna hate people
but then,
i love you.

maybe i just too undesireable
i should have faced up to reality
and quit dreaming.
wake up charlene,
nobody likes you idiot.

2010-07-03T21:58:00.002+08:00

everything i do is deemed wrong ,
cause i never did anything right,
so it seems.

u complained that i did not hug/kiss you anymore.
did u know,
i feel warmth when i hug my friends,
but i feel cold when i hug you.
the person i loved is not you.
me beloved mother was stolen by you.
you're no longer the person i once loved.

"if lies hurt, i would rather tell the truth.
if truth hurts, i rather keep silent."
u always maligned me
saying i did this/that
when obviously i did not do.
i chose to keep quiet
cause i know whatever i rebut will not go into your fucking brain.
all thats inside is money, and your son.
no, theres no me.
how many times i've tried to tell you
im really sick and tired of your nonsense.
no, ur retarded brain dont unds.

you blew my limit.

you accused me of being disrecpectful.
no, u didnt rmb i hated pepper lunch's smell.
you forgot everything that i liked & hated
everything.
so waht, am i supposed to puke on amk hub's floor there and then?
was i wrong to walk quickly away?
apparently it was to you.
yea, u saw me and accused me for being disrespectful.
whatthefuck.
i wanted to slap you.
smack you to your senses.
YOU'RE MY FUCKING MOTHER.
yet you dont even remember anything about your own daughter.
i shouted back
"I NEARLY VOMITTED THERE JUST NOW!"
ur fuggin eyes went big and you raised your fist.
what ? slap me?
oh, perhaps you should have
maybe i'll faint
then you would grant me my wish of undisturbed rest.
slap then, you'll only embarass yourself.
by showing tht you have no self control.

whenever you come back,
all i get is scoldings,blames.
did i land our family like that?
oh, maybe you GAVE BIRTH TO A JINX THEN.

i really wondered why i look foward to come back.
now i know.
i hoped that my real mother would come back.
cause i missed and loved her.
NOT YOU BITCH.

oh, u think studies in the past is the same as present
oh im so "free"
so i should take up some stuff
EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY
u make me go aerobics/dance etc.
wow, im so free yeah.
everytime i said i alr no time
DONT YOU GET IT.
OR DOES YOUR FUCKING BRAIN NOT UNDS SIMPLE ENGLISH?

you know what
now i wish you never came back
my brains fried alr
u happy now.
I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SICKENING ATTITUDE.
FUCK OFF.

yeah, now you complain about me not doing homework.
GIVE MY FRIED BRAIN A REST FOR GOD'S SAKE.
I JUST HAD 3 HOURS OF INTENSE TUITION
FUCK YOU.
WHY DONT U GO LEARN ABOUT TRIGO HUH.
YOU DUN EVEN FKING KNW WHT SIN/COS/TAN IS
since you're so PRO
do it for me lah.
fuck.
i really wanna slap you.

you complain about your work,
then can i complain about school?
NO.

i pretend to be a happy girl
cause i dun want to worry my friends.
i dont whine to people about my problems,
while i let others whine to me.
nobody unds whats going on.
i really wanna give up.
i wanna get out of this hell hole.
someone save me.
oh, there's no one.

2010-07-01T22:06:00.003+08:00

sometimes, i really wonder.

asking me such questions,
were you hinting to me?
or was it just my imagination?
sighs , i miss you .

maybe i should stop being me.

2010-06-07T23:05:00.004+08:00

just when i thought u were really gone ,
just when i thought it was really my fault ;
you turned up .

now what ,
you saw me , love blossomed again?
you know, that sounds so cheap?
all i wanted was a steady relationship,
not one that lasted long & the guy simply dissapeared.
simply vanished .
blocked me on msn , ignored my smses ,
but kept me on facebook,
to check out how i am.

yeah, you come online,
& expect me to run into your arms again ?
so what ,
you break my heart when u dissapeared
and now you're back to break it further
you take it as a hobby huh
sorry, but i dont
hurt is not something i like/adore
i hate it.
i LOATHE it.
i ABHORE it.
get it?

all i want from you is an explanation
but i guess it'll be fake reasons
like through those 8 mth 14 days
all those lies you fed me with.

im sick and tired of all these games
quit playing with my heart.

When a girl is quiet, Millions of things are running in her mind.
When a girl is not arguing, She's thinking deeply in her thoughts.
When a girl looks at you with eyes full of questions, She's wondering how long you'd be around.
When a girl 'I'm fine' after a few seconds, She's definitely not fine at all.
When a girl stares at you, She's wondering why you are lying.
When a girl lays on your chest, She's wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a girl calls you everyday, She's seeking for you attention, and missing you.
When a girl texts you everyday, She's hoping you'd reply her at least once.

why cant any of you understand what i really need?

i need someone to depend on .

2010-05-16T19:15:00.002+08:00

"your hand was mine to hold ;
your lips were mine to kiss ;
your heart was mine to own ;
your face was mine to stare ;
your cheek was mine to touch ;
& your body was mine to hug .
but now you're gone ,
and your heart loves someone else )': "

sighs .
i scolded love for hurting me before ,
and now it's giving me attitude ,
& don't wanna come my way .
)':

i miss you having love .

baby come back to me ...
you're one in a million .

2010-05-11T14:15:00.002+08:00

exams ending soon..
flunking almost every paper..
sigh,
this blog's dead
like my brain & heart.

u guys made my heart feel so many feelings
till its messed up now..
who do i like... ?
sighhh
)':

bye.

2010-04-03T21:16:00.001+08:00

CLICK MY NUFFNANG.
PUH-LEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
:D
I NEED MONEHHHHHHHHHH
rofl :x
thats all
BYEBYE!
:D

2010-03-17T10:57:00.004+08:00

im so stupid.
i keep thinking the impossible..
yeah, im too ugly and have sucky personality to be loved.
but i cant help but assume..
i wish i can stop loving.

i gave my 100% in love ,
so i get back 100% of hurt .
can i stop loving people that hard..?

2010-02-18T21:54:00.001+08:00

maple pic againnnn.random~

sec 3 life's killing me ZZZZZZ.

2010-01-27T21:15:00.007+08:00

you say you're suffering in hk.
but what you don't know is that i cry myself to sleep everyday.
dont think you are so 伟大.
u dont even know how i feel.
fine.
i dont want anything anymore.
you dont know
home dont even feel like home anymore.
its almost a living hell.
why else would i try to not go home so early?
you think i got so much $ to spend
go out everyday
have fun?

do you think i study cause i like it?
do you think i scrimp and save for myself?
no,
you dont know all these.
i study for YOU.
so that i can get a good job and u can come back to SG and have a better life.
i scrimp and save,
not to use on myself,
but to give it to you when you do not have enough money.
but you always think of it as nothing
im just that childish ignorant selfish and bad tempered girl to you.

i would not have shouted that u treat my cousin better than you treat your own daughter,
if you didnt push me to my limits.
i've had enough.
sometimes i really wish to sleep
forget all these troubles.
i had never had a proper sleep for years
do you know that?
NO.
sometimes i even wish i wasent alive.
sec 3 stress is piling up
i chose triple sci not cause i want to learn
but it was for you.
you think i wanted to torture myself?
maybe yeah,
it keeps my mind off all these.
so i would not think wildly and abuse myself again.
i am not that little miss goody two shoes.
i may be the worst kid you ever knew.
but thats casue i've changed
what you did to me change me
im nolonger the charlene you knew
you loved,
you whatever.

in your eyes,
there's only clarence
you said i was so much more demanding than him.
yeah
whatever
he's the good kid.
cause he's the smart ass
im the dumb idiot.
whatever
i dont want to care so much
but all you guys do is keep pushing responsibilities to me.
just over a phone,
u say im uncaring
i dont care about our financial status.
please lah hor,
you salary aint low,
i dont believe you have so many things to pay
i ask you why we keep have a lack in money
you tell me to shut up and dont care
but you keep telling me got nomoney
then what you want me to do.

i feel like erasing my memory.
become that happy happy kiddo
in K 2
now you know,
how long i've kept all these feelings from you.
i call u biased,
u call me ignorant and selfish.
whatever

what am i working so hard for.
its for YOU.
im stressing out myself for you
going insane over you.
sometimes i wish i really fainted
so i can have some minutes or hours of peace.

all i want,
is that little bit of love from you
encouragment from you.
but when u come back to Sg
you just bombard me with all the responsibilities
blame me for everything i've both done and not done.
i really dont know why im still hanging on.

my eyes are tired from tearing everyday.
my heart had enough of breaking and sores.
my shoulders are tired of the responsibilities they had to carry
my soul,
HAD ENOUGH.

i'm really tired,
bye.

2010-01-13T17:09:00.004+08:00

abandonment.
i cant believe this is how you guys treat me.
as my "friends"
perhaps to you guys, im unfeeling.
do you guys know how long i searched for you all,
frantically searching around,
asking people for your whereabouts.
all the while i felt like crying,
cause the feeling of abandonment was killing me.
maybe you guys dont know how important you guys are to me,
perhaps you guys think i dont care about you all,
that im fine on my own.

then let me tell all of you once and for all.

I.
FEAR.
BEING.
ALONE.

call me childish or immature,
whatever.
i cant believe you call yourselves my best friends.
i nearly cried when i found you guys,
& you guys dont know that.

this isn't the first time,
you guys abandoned me.

2010-01-10T21:19:00.002+08:00

SCHOOL.
SUCKS.
BIG.
TIME.

no lunches?
i guess in a few years time,
nobody would need to eat for survival.
and we would learn food science for nothing.
don't that make sense?
school staff have no life nor brains.
& they're our so called "guiders"
yea, they guide us to be useless beings.

this is pathetic.

2009-12-10T23:41:00.006+08:00

MY
BLOG
IS
DEAD.

sheesh, i've nothing much to say.
bored to the max ):
& I'VE NOT BEEN OUT THROUGH THE WHOLE FXCKING HOLIDAY!
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-NESS.
i only went out for like,
swim twice, and loads of CO.
kns.
wht is this manzzzzzzzzzz.
why i didn't go out?

1. cause people keep pangseh-ing me, LAST MINUTE btw.
2. Singapore is boring, dont know where to go.
3. NO $$$$$$$$$$$$$$ T.T
4. cause nobody want go out with me.
5. cause my "DARH" is at her home jail , and we both no $$$$$$.
6. cause everytime plan okay liao people pangseh me and give me crappy reasons.

fk laaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhs.

and and ,
something just freaking weird just happened
my audi cpl pmed me o.o
after not talking for like 1 yr
and we didnt brk
ohwells,
then he strted saying he missed me and blah
and i was playing along cause i didnt want to hurt him by saying:
"it's been a year since we talked,
and i've actually stead and break with someone through tht year,
so feelings do change."

sheesh, i cant believe i used to talk to him like that
like EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
well,
i've guess i've change alot after meeting yk,
so yeahs.
i just didnt want to hurt him o.o
maybe cause i dont want to inflict hurt that was given to me before?
idk just some "instinct"
but i think he lied to me about his age and name
ughhhhh,
whatever lahhhhhhhh

he also said
" i thought u dont want me already T.T"
WHATHEHELLLLLLLL.
i nearly fainted.
den me and my "darh" faster escape audi
after he gtg.
-bad memory-

like wth,
after so long he tell me he miss/love wtv me
think i believe uh.
his msn pm still say "i've no regrets loving you"
i was still thinking who the you
then he said he missed me
GET REAL MAN.
LIKE I REALLY BELIEVE -.-

OKAY
ENOUGH RANTTTTTTTTTTTT.
ERASE ERASE ERASE ERASE~~~~~~~~~~~!

okay.
i was bored so i started meddling with bannedstory o.o
somehow i always do tht when im bored.
& i havent done any hw -.-

2 pics~
NO RIPPING OKAY, =="
rest all on fb album :D

lazy to resize :P
usually i make the pics to wht i feel
so yeah
just some random desire to do lol.

sigh.
HOMEWORK NOT DONE AT ALL.
WITH ALLTH BLOODY MATH EXERCISES.
OHMYGAWD.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
i just cant get into the mood to do hw la-.-

anw, i've been mapleing :D
lvl 45 Aran
imCUSTARD
add meeeeeeee~
but damn noob can
i max my triple swing instead of pole arm mastery.
WHATHEHELL.
sianed.
wtv la

nth else to say
BYEBYE.
*blog crawls out from layer of dust*
LOL.
randomness xD

2009-11-01T22:01:00.003+08:00

i guess ,
i lie so much ,
tht i mix illusions with reality .
cause i know ,
we're not meant to be .

i'll really miss having you by my side ...

2009-10-24T18:16:00.002+08:00

i don't want to understand anything anymore.
cause i realised, when i understand stuff,
i just get even more hurt.
i'm just so sick and tired,
of all these crap that keeps coming my way.
ain't no one to rely on;
not even one.

if only they could be erased from my mind .

2009-09-30T19:55:00.003+08:00

i never knew i looked stressed,
maybe i really need a break.

i'm used to these treatments
treating me like a toy
playing with my feelings.
fine.

i don't believe in saying the truth anymore
cause i just get even more hurt,
sorry xm,
i lied to you about my arm.
ur guess was right.
i keep lying
even just now.

mrs eng want me to go for stress management course.
yeah fine.
whatever.
maybe i look stressed
maybe im overly serious or mature
fine.

im always in the wrong.
but im also the one always lying,
to keep all of you from getting hurt.
maybe i've been trying too hard to please everyone
cause my efforts just show nothing.
yeah whatever.

im not as strong as all of you think.
don't judge me.

2009-09-12T11:38:00.000+08:00

i've finally lost it .
i'm no longer the charlene you people know,
anymore.

2009-09-07T10:16:00.004+08:00

Love is always patient and kind ,
It is never jealous .
Love is never boastful or conceding ,
It is never rude or selfish ,
It does not take offence ,
And it is not resentful.
Love takes no pleasure ,
In other people’s sins ,
But delights and the truth.
It is always ready to excuse ,
To trust,
To hope,
And to endure,
Whatever comes.

Love is like the wind
you can't see it,
but you can feel it.

` quotes from A Walk To Remember .
something all of us ,
should know ,
to love , purely .

2009-09-02T21:27:00.002+08:00

YEAH.
MY "FAMILY" MEMBERS ARE ALL BIASED.
AND IM THE ODD ONE OUT
UNFAVOURED ONE.
FUCK YOU.
MIGHT AS WELL DISOWN ME
SINCE NO ONE IN THIS "FAMILY" TRUSTS ME
WHY SHOULD I BE IN IT
FUCK LA

SO IN YOUR EYES
IM SOME PERSON WHO WOULD LOSE EVEN A LAPTOP.
FINE.
BE BIASED FOR ALL I CARE.

i thought you were the only one who wasn't biased.
now you showed your true colours lah.
fine.
now i knw i really have no one to turn to.
fuck.
you people just had to make me cry over again.
first my brother,
next my granma,
now my mum.
no more left.

i've got no one to turn to now.
fuck hell.

2009-08-31T19:22:00.001+08:00

keep doing maple pic nowadays
no idea why.
guess im reminiscing the past.
sigh.
suddenly,
i feel that i need to talk to you.
but i cant.

2009-08-28T22:52:00.000+08:00

very iritable nowadays.
dont provoke me.
lest i keep getting angry.
so if i am,
better not piff me off further.

2009-08-27T20:51:00.002+08:00

FUCK YOU BASTARD.
I DONT EVEN THINK YOU''RE MY EFFING BROTHER.
DUNO WHR U COME FROM
OTHERWISE IS THT IM THE ADOPTED ONE
COME FROM THIS WIERD FAMILY.
SCOLD MY BRO THROUGH THE DOOR
AHMA SCOLD ME
THT I SCOLD HER XIN GAN BAO BEI GRANDSON
HE HUMAN I NOT LA?
HE GOT EXAM I DONT HAVE LA?
HE WANT QUIET I DONT WANT LA?
NO HAPPY I NVR CLOSE DOOR
THEN LOCK THE DOOR
YOU THINK U BUY THE HOUSE ONE AR
U NOT HAPPY WITH THIS "SISTER" OF YOURS
THEN DISOWN ME FOR ALL I CARE
U WANT PEACE AND QUIET
YOU GO OUTSIDE THE STRRETS THR
THR VERY VERY QUIET
SLEEP ALSO NOBODY CARE YOU
NO NOISE NO NTH
THEN VERY HAPPY WHT.
CORRECT RIGHT.
THEN BLOODY GET UR FUCKING ASS OUTA THE HOUSE.
LIKE AS IF ITS U BUY ONE
U WANT TALK BIG U COME LA
U GOT THE RIGHTS TO LOCK THE DOOR MEH
I NOT HUMAN AR
I NO TEST AR
I NO EXAM AR
I NO STUDIES AR.
SO WHT U A LVL THIS YR
LIKE I FUCKING CARE?
U DONT EVEN STUDY CAN
UR LAPTOP SPOIL I STILL LEND U DESKTOP PLAY
THEN I WANT LAPTOP U DIE DIE ALSO DONT WANT LEND
LIEK AS IF EVERYTHING U BUY LIKE THT
FUCK LA
KNNBCB

THEN WHAT
AHMA START NAGGING
SAY ME AND U ILL BRED
THEN I SAY WHO TEACH ONE
SHE SAY MY MUM
THEN I SAY MY MUM WHO TEACH ONE
THEN SHE SAY I RUDE
WALAN EH
IS WHO SAY WHO ILL BRED FIRST
SHE NVR TEACH PROPERLLY THEN GRANDCHILDREN LIKE THT WHAT
EVERYTIME MY BRO FAULT
I KANA SCOLDED
SAY I SELFISH
TREAT HIM UNFAIR
PLS LOR
WHO IS THE ONE WHO'S SO BIAS
FOOD ALSO GIVE BRO
THEN I BO LUNCH
THEN I HAVE TO MAKE MYSELF
ALL THIS
I NVR COMPLAIN TO MY MUM,
SHE STILL DARE SAY I ILL BRED.
PLS LOR, U NOT HAPPY THEN DONT TAKE CARE OF US LA
TELL MUM HIRE MAID
U GO BACK TO UR PRECIOUS SON
UR VERY VERY RICH SON LA
FUCK YOU.

I DONT EVEN THINK YOU'RE MY BRO.
U DONT EVEN ACT LIKE ONE
U WANT WHAT, I GIVE WHAT
I WANT WHAT,
U DONT GIVE
SO LIKE THT CALLED SELLFISH LA?
FUCK LA
SO WHT IF MY MUM IS BACK
SHE DONT EVEN KNOW THT IM SUFFERING IN SG
I CRY FOR ALL I CARE
AHMA ALSO DONT CARE
NOBODY BOTHERS TO CARE ABT ME
TELL ME DONT CRY
I ABUSE MYSELF
AHMA ALSO CAN SEE
YET SHE STILL WALK AWAY
LIKE A TRANSPARENT
DOESENT IT BRK HER HEART THAT HER HRANDAUGHTER IS HURTING EHRSELF.
FURTHERMORE,
I HURT MYSELF CAUSE OF HER
WHO SHE THINK SHE IS
ALL SHE IS
IS A GUARDIAN
SHE DONT EVEN CARE ABT MY FEELIGNS
EVERYTIME SAY SHES THE ONE AT DISADVANTAGE
PLS LA HOR
WHO BULLY WHO SIA
SO WHT IF U DO CHORES EVERYDAY
LIKE AS IF
I DUN WANT HLP LIKE THT
I GOT SAY DONT WANT MEH

THEN NOW,
FUCKING BRO UNLOCK DOOR
BUT HOW I GO IN?
WHEN HE'S STILL FUCKING INSIDE
WTH
WTH
NOBODY CARES ANWS
FUCK LAH
BLOODY HELL
我受够了!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2009-08-24T19:07:00.002+08:00

made a song :D

` Falling Heart ♥ -chorus

Falling;
but nobody catches me.
Why do
I have to endure this?
I've had
enough hurt to last me
all my life~

I'm deep and down inside,
though my face don't show a sign
my heart's breaking
but nobody's picking the pieces
of my heart~
of my heart~

:D
nice nice???
xD
I KEEP SINGING THIS SONG!
LOL.
SO PROUD OF MYSELF.
._.
but its not finished=.=
ahhhh.
INSPIRATIONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
D:

2009-08-17T21:38:00.000+08:00

i feel so sick and wrong now.
cause idk wht im feeling.
LOL.
STUPID BLOGGER.
irritating
ARGHHHHHHHHH.
D:
k,
enough crap.
byebye.
:D

2009-08-14T16:47:00.000+08:00

2009-08-09T13:58:00.000+08:00

I NEED MESOSSSSSSSSSSSS.
ugh, seriously broke.
stupid mana pots.
zzz.
someone sponser me can?
T.T
AHHHHHHHHHHH D:
xdellusionx
comeon people~
be a kind soul~
:X

2009-07-28T19:15:00.000+08:00

quiz for update.
blogger finally came to its senses :D

1.Who was your last txt from?
xiaomin.

2.Where was your default picture taken?
er..june? idk.

3.Your relationship status?
single. but scarred.

4.Have you ever lost a close friend?
of course.

5.What is your current mood?
tired.

6.How many siblings do you have?
One, though i dont want to admit it.

7.What's your bro/sis's name?
Clarence.

8.Where do you wish you were right now?
with my mum and spending time tgt, not having her to be in hk all the time.

9.Have a crazy side?
what do you think?

10.Ever had a near-death experience?
yup.

11.Something you do alot?
getting angry? emo every day LOL.

12.Angry at anyone?
of course.

13.What's stopping you from going for the person you like?
ahem. i just broke up not long ago. unsure of how my heart feels now.

14.When was the last time you cried?
errr.. 6 july?

15.Is there anyone you would do anything for?
my family.

16.What do you think about when you're falling asleep?
how would i know?

17.Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?
MRS ENG! LOLLLLLLLLLLLL.
"hello? charlene? mrs eng here. are you okay?
you on mc ah?
how many days?"
& so on.
then i couldnt slp anymore D:

18.What's your fav. song?
always changes.

19.What are you doing right now?
doing this quiz?

20.Who do you trust right now?
only my mum.
friends gives me reasons not to trust them.

21.Where did you get the shirt you're wearing?
forgot.

22.Have you kissed someone in the past week?
no.

23.Who is your friend who lives closes to you?
margaret, sebastian, shermain.

24.Describe your life in one word.
pathetic, unique in a bad way.

25.Who are you thinking of right now?
going to the doc to get more mc.

26.What should you be doing right now?
studying, or resting. stupid h1n1.

27.What are you listening to?
tv.

28.Who was the last person who hug u?
mum, last month.

29.Who was the last person who yelled at you?
granma, the whole day.

30.Do you act differently from the person you like?
dont know.

31.What's your natural hair colour?
brownish black.

32.Who was the last person to make you laugh?
granma, when she asked me to eat mo pi ko instead of pi pa ko!
how to eat medi for mosquito bites!

33.Who was the last person to make you sad?
many.

34.What do you hear?
tv.

35.Is your hair curly or straight?
straight, but curls at the ends.

36.Has anyone called you "scrumptious" before?
NO.

37.Do you have a best friend[s]?
dont know.

38.Held hands with the opposite sex in the past 3 days?
past three days, no.
last person, JINGZHI. LOLLLLLLLLLLL.
during pe on fri when playing the wtv game.

39.Do you use smiley faces on the com?
not really.

40.Have you ever changed clothes in a vehicle?
NO. dont even have one.

41.Are you happy with life right now?
asking the obvious.

42.Are you currently jealous?
dont think so.

43.What jewelry are you wearing now?
earsticks.

44.What were you doing on friday night?
forgot.

45.Have you ever had your heart broken?
of course.

46.Have you ever broken someone's heart?
no.

47.Is there anyone your really disappointed in now?
definitely.

48.What was the last reason you went to the doc for?
H1N1! lol, jkjk.
fever, cough,sore throat, body ache, back ache,dizzyness, headache!:D

49.How late did you stay up last night and why ?
10, looking through smses and feeling sad cause of memories.

50.Have you ever dated someone longer than a year?
almost. but he broke it.

okays, done here.
UPDATED ALR AH!
cnt say i didn't.
:D

2009-07-26T15:27:00.000+08:00

oh how great.
i finally want to update my blog,
then blogger gives me this kinda shit.
&^%@$^*^@%$^!
fine~
until blogger get its mind straight,
then i'll update.
bye.

2009-07-14T18:19:00.007+08:00

i just realised,
i was such a idiot
to believe everything you told me,
to believe that you still loved me.
i can't believe
you had been lying to me all this time.
& that you had blocked me in msn,
which means you were actually free enough to use the computer.

(6:03 PM) тнε σиε αиd σиιч:
i wonder if he threw the ring away
(6:03 PM) Marianne:
u knw, relationships arent physical but emotional.
(6:03 PM) Marianne:
even if he didnt throw it away, do u think it wld mean anything to him still?
(6:04 PM) тнε σиε αиd σиιч:
i know, but still
(6:04 PM) тнε σиε αиd σиιч:
at least return it to me.
(6:04 PM) Marianne:
For?
(6:04 PM) тнε σиε αиd σиιч:
well, it sorts of represent our love
(6:04 PM) тнε σиε αиd σиιч:
so i guess since its like tht
(6:04 PM) тнε σиε αиd σиιч:
might as well return it to me, rather than clinging on to something he dont even love anymore
(6:05 PM) тнε σиε αиd σиιч:
to think i've been wearing that ring in hope that he's not contacting me cuz of his exams
(6:08 PM) Marianne:
1stly, dont u think th ring has lost its "value" to him alr, 2ndly, do u think he even still has it, 3rdly, dont take bk th ring. it wld b something of a reminder of him and itll make things worse for u. 4thly, really, for ur own good, dump him. he doesnt deserve to be loved by u, who sacrificed so much to be with him. he took it all for granted. so jus dump him and stop trying to come up with
(6:08 PM) Marianne:
xcuses to preserve this dying relationship.

after reading this, i kinda felt it was true.
you ain't worth my love.
even when mj added you in our conver,
u kept leaving it.
got scared eh?
thinking,
"oh shit she found out!"
did you think you could lie to me forever?

you lied to me about your previous stead,
you kept the truth from me,
you even blocked me and not contact me,
when i did nothing to you.

then why did you asked me for stead?
just because you got jealous of some other guy who asked me for stead.
do you think toying with my feelings is a recreational activity?
too bad.
it ain't for me.

the 8 months and 14 days.
i'm going to try to keep it as a dark past of mine,
cause i know,
i will never forget the hurt you dealt on me as my first boyfriend.

goodbye,
memories.
goodbye,
the me who loved you.
goodbye,
all the hurt you dealt on me.

goodbye,
yk.

let's break up.
you ain't worth my love,
& i ain't sorry for this.
cause i was the one suffering the 8 months and 14 days,
not you.
its the end.
bye.

2009-07-11T22:55:00.004+08:00

因为我一直都被遗忘，从不在你们心里。

just because i'm not doing anything,
dosen't means i don't feel anything.
just because i ain't popular or whatever,
i'm often forgotten,
never in the hearts of anybody.

you people can argue and say,
i have no idea how exactly lucky i am,
but have you guys ever felt what i felt?
so in what position are you to say im wrong about what i say?

i never needed pain ;
i never need hurt .

exactly what i feel .
i don't want any of that at all.
who wants them?

just because,
i sit at the corner in class,
its like as if i dont even exist there.
the class only has 40 pupils yup .
thrs no such person as register no. 2 in the class list.

25 may 2009,
was the last day you talked to me on msn,
27 april 2009,
was the last sms i received from you.
i didnt get any bday wishes from you,
of which i kept looking at my phone,
awaiting for the hope that never existed.

now you don't even come online,
don't bother to sms me,
let alone still make me sure,
that you still love me.

should i end us?
i really don't know.
whenever i tell others about this,
they keep telling me to do it.

tell me then,
if you even read my blog.
when you can blog about your f&n,
and be so happy.
and still facebook,
but you cant even come online or even send a sms?

you tell me uhs,
what am i supposed to do.
do you want me to send a sms saying:
"let's break up"?
seriously,
8 months and 11 days,
are you going to let go of that past of ours?
or were they just a mere memory to you,
of toying with a girl's feelings?
you lied to me time & time & again
i forgave you all the time.
but,
im running out of chances to give already.

i really,really want all this to stop.
i must have already gone insane.
using the centre of plastic wrap,
to hit myself over and over again,
when the red mark dissapears,
i hit it again to make it appear.
and i shouted at my arm,
"WHY AREN'T YOU BREAKING?
RED MARK ONLY, LIDDAT ONLY.
BREAK LA,
THEN I CAN GO HOSPITAL
FORGET ABOUT SCHOOL, LIFE EVERYTHING
JUST FOCUS ON THE PAIN IN THE BROKEN BONES."

i'm insane right?
that's the reason why i said on monday,
i was afraid of napfa,
in cause it was incline or wtv.
cause my arm totally lost strength,
and it hurt to just touch it.
yet i lied,
saying i banged my arm against something
stupid eh.

yeah, so i shouldn't be in the oh so wonderful class
2 commitment yup?
i ain't regarded as one anyway.

i don't wanna let the tears fall anymore.
cause i know,
there's no one i can cry into.

why?
why of why?
i must be getting depression.
i stare into space and keep thinking about stuff.
people think im staring at something.

my face is so pale,
i feel like i'm just seeing a me with a white mask.
collapsing soon i guess.

lifeless.
that's how i am now.

zequan said last time,
"i got see you smile b4 ma!"
but,
did you think,
it wasn't pure joy.
it was just to please you guys.
don't you people understand.
i don't smile for myself,
but for others.
pathetic.

forget it.
i'll stop degrading myself for now.
self pity.

gonna collapse soon.

2009-06-12T16:51:00.003+08:00

girl's ring misses her boy's ;
girl misses her boy too .

dont know why you're ignoring me ...
i asked myself if i still loved you ,
i still cant get an answer .
maybe this is your way of saying goodbye ?

but ,
my heart wont be able to live through ,
another goodbye .

2009-06-09T21:06:00.001+08:00

i was right when i said i had no friends today,
cause you guys proved it to me,
this very day.

i cant help but let the tears fall,
as the hurting truth falls upon me,
that im alone,
and always will.
cause im not significant enough for people to care about.

you people will bloody know who you are.

2009-06-09T17:55:00.003+08:00

like i said,
today was horrendous.
no nothing happened.
yeah fine, whatever.
stayed in sch for co to spend my bday uhs.
yup, sch's present for me.
and what, people had to piss me off exactly TODAY.
cant u guys do it other days?
worst birthday ever?
yup.

anyway, thanks for the birthday wishes.
and gifts,
though i received none today,
and even lesser wishes.

no birthday wish,
no cake to celebrate my growing up,
not acknowledging my 14 years of age.
FINE.
FINE FINE FINE.
destroy my bday.
happy now?
yes yes,
put all ur hatred on me on my very day.
yes yes
all of you happy now right.
great.

no smiles for today,
no happiness,
no nothing.
but its not just any other day,
its worser than those days.

CAUSE NOBODY CARED.
fine.

2009-06-08T19:19:00.003+08:00

I NEED SOMEONE TO PEI ME TMR!
i dont want stay at home ._.
& also dont want stay in co for the whole of my bday =.=
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

people pon co with me pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee D:
go movie/ kbox!
T.T
howwwwwwww?
PEOPLE HELP MEEEEEEEEEEEE D:

if someone brings me a cake to co tmr,
i dont think i'll pon co tmr :X
hohoho
in fact,
it'll be my best birthday tmr if tht happened!
with gifts and wishes and cake~!
~.~
someone bring me a cake tmr pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D
HAHAHAS,
i doubt anyone will luhs.
sigh.

2009-05-23T21:35:00.003+08:00

i've a premonition,
that my birthday,
ain't gona be an enjoyable one.
and not many people would bother to care.
sigh.

perhaps,
it'll be just like any other day,
being alone.

2009-05-21T19:01:00.003+08:00

when will we stop being so far apart ?
we may talk all the time,
but,
our love's just drifting,
further and further apart.
` like complete strangers /.

2009-05-20T14:26:00.002+08:00

i give up.

喜欢一个人，
如果不表现出来，
人家可能永远不知道你的想法。

2009-05-19T17:50:00.006+08:00

i dont know wht to do with you.
i've been thinking about this for so long,
yet i havent got an answer.
i ask myself the same quesion all the time.
but all i get is,
" i dont know ".
should i?
or shouldent i?
i dont know.
i just cant bear to part,
its been more than 6 months..
i really dont know..
i hate you,
yet i love you.
wht is this..
mixed feelings, perhaps.
i want to comfort you,
but yet,
i cant help but remembering,
the hurt you dealt on me.
when im crying,
you dont bother to comfort me,
why for should i?

ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.
forget it.
FORGET ITTTTTTTTT.
you wont even know wht im talking about.
whateverrrrrrrrrrr.
D:

i hope you see this.
" Don't hate yourself. i understand that you're sad,
but just take it as a lesson learnt.
i dont blame you for not coming online,
i know you're really upset now,
just cheerup kay?
iloveyous <3

i just typed this as an sms.
but i dont know,
if i should send it.
so, its here,
if you do read my blog.

then alone,
i shall leave you be.

2009-05-13T13:16:00.001+08:00

something to let me cheerup?

maybe.

not.

i miss you/.

2009-05-12T19:52:00.003+08:00

i've just realised,
tht i've no one to turn to,
when i need to.
no one to share my feelings with,
whether im happy, sad, or angry.

i wonder,
whats friends?
i really dont know.
cause all of them dont seem to serve a purpose.
of which a friend should.
let alone a best friend.

you may be thinking:
"Oh, im her very good friends,
she cant possibly be talking about me"
reflect.
what have you done to show tht u are my friends?
nothing.

all the time,
im thr to listen to your woes,
to console you,
to be whatever you require at your times of need.
but,
i've received nothing,
when it applied to me.

everyone's leaving,
mum left for work overseas,
friends leaving,
love leaving.
this empty feeling;
i cant take it.

whrs tht love and concern,
i've always yearned for the past almost 5 years?
im just being used.
always used.
as something,
tht can be changed to whatever you need.
your consoler,
your punch bag,
your shoulder.
everything you need.
but for me,
you aint bothered.

seriously,
i dont understand,
why am i always the unfavoured one?
the odd one out.

i need friends,
tht understand wht i need.
the love and concern.
why is it so hard?

it comes naturally from me,
what about you?
have you people ever thought,
" am i being a friend to her?"

when im alone at home,
tht lonliness starts killing me.
making me shudder at times.
i cant bear to see the pathetic state,
me of no love.

everytime i look in the mirror.
i realised how pale i am.
its like i've no blood.
its so horrible.
tht i've to use foundation,
to cover up.
along with blushers,
so tht i dont look like im dead.

why?
why why why?
i know im detestable.
but i dont think all of us are perfect.

today,
alone at home.
made me realise,
how alone i was.
with no one to save me,
from this deadly hole im falling into/.

2009-05-11T11:47:00.002+08:00

apparently,
some people don't understand simple english.
or maybe they have the knowledge of an infant.
i HAD admitted,
maybe you people just ain't bothered to read yup?
so why for pollute my tagboard?
tsk,
some people just don't have anything better to do.
childish.

2009-05-10T21:24:00.000+08:00

`you're just tearing the wound that's already infected with your poisonous words /.

feeling so emo now.

spare my heart, will you?

2009-05-08T21:53:00.004+08:00

spammers out thr,
im dedicating this post to u!
see how much i care for u ppl?
:D

anyways,
why does it bother you abt wht i do with my life?
u mean u control my life?
also,
i didnt say my make up skills are of qiyun's
maybe u made tht illusion but i did not.

likewise,
did i ever say i was skinny like a bamboo stick?
i did not say tht i wasent fat.
u think i like it uh?
you dont even know about me,
how would you know why im this fat?

and oh,
this is MY BLOG.
wht right do u have to comment on my life and myself?
my blog's thr for me to rant when i need to.
so wht if i use vulgar
i seldom use it okay.

im emotional?
i guess you dont have much experience in blogs,
dont you view other's blogs?
oh, so saddd.
i emo cnt meh?
got prob?
i like to emo cnt luh?

& i think im much more mature than you
cause i dont SPAM.
spamming is for retards who have nth better to do.
so who's the kid here eh?

whether i hate teachers or not,
its not ur bloody problem.
you can love them for all i care.

and u put names like "hates charlene"
how lame is tht manz
you mean to dont have a name?
oh, thts so sad.
you dont have a name you can be proud of,
how pathetic.

all spamming does to u is to make you look like a retard,
cause all of us know spamming is retarded.
so yeah, spam all u want,
cause it doesent affect me,
if you didnt know.

you're just being a idiotic retardd.
whatever.
yea, im fat, emotional, proud, disrespectful, and childish.
happy now?
now buzz off my blog.

2009-04-27T19:31:00.004+08:00

wtf is this manz?
once,
cher said i didnt study for the test
which is totally not true.
NOW,
I GET BLAMED FOR NOT OFFERING MY HELP?
which i obviously didnt do.
whatthefuckinghell is this?
cher: you're from 2 ASPIRE right?
me: no...
cher: nvm, can u walk to 2 commitment and tell LIMMIN to tell the class
to stay there until i come?
me: Limmin? *limmin and aspire, no link.*
cher: yah she's the chairman.
me: okay..
cher: you're from 2 commitment right?
me: yah?
cher: then why just now you say you wern't?
me: gives her the o.o look.
cher: repeats what i've got to do.
me: okay *nods head.*
she walked away,
den i walked away.
still in the o.o face.
LOL.
and then what
come to class she started saying:
cher:i was walking down the stairs when i saw these 2 girls,
and i felt they were very familliar.
so i beckoned to them to come,
and i asked,
are you from 2 commitment?
and they said NO!
they don't acknowledge tht they're from 2 cmt.
i've never expereinced such rudeness in my 12 years of teaching experience!
*turns hysterical*

WHATTHEHELL?
she said are you from 2 aspire,
of course i said no,
den now she tells the class that she said i asked them if they were from 2 cmt?
WTFH?!?!
yeah,
cause you got very BIG face horr?
you yourself say wrong,
den say me and JY rude,
whatthefuckinghell is this.
just admit you're senile,
you dont even remember what you said.
and you hurt others pride so that you won't lose "FACE"
wth.
yeah,
you're god while im an ant,
which you can just trample on ehs.
yep,
you're the godly goddess.
you're always right yup.
please la hor.
people don't believe you all lor.
me and JY corrected you you act as if we lying.
aiyo think abit can?
people also know you always like that one.
so of course know you're talking bullshit.
you're just throwing more face into the drain,
rather than apologising to us.

I NEVER THOUGHT YOU 2 TEACHERS WERE SO...
*cant describe*
like, ohmygod?
it seems that teachers keep accusing me for things i did not do.
are they bored or something?
nth better to do then find me to scold la uh?
zzzzzz.
fuckxzxzxzxzxzxzx yous.

SERIOUSLY,
I'VE HAD ENOUGH.
AND I DONT BLOODY CARE IF YOU 2 READ MY BLOG.
CAUSE ITS MY BLOG
AND I DINT STATE YOUR BLOODY NAMES.
SO JUST GET YOUR ASSES OUTA MY LIFE FOR GOODNESS SAKE.
UGH.
UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

i've had enough.

2009-04-26T20:42:00.002+08:00

i've had enough of crying.
where the tears won't stop.
and when people dont even care.
you people think you didnt do it,
but you yourself wouldn't know.
cause for the very fact.
you people dont care.
cause i aint worth it.
yep,
i understand now.

2009-04-24T18:13:00.003+08:00

FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.
DONT GIVE ME YOUR BLOODY ATTITUDE.
DO YOU KNOW THE AMOUNT OF SCARSCAM YOUR WORDS CARRY?
YEAH,
YOU BLOODY LOVE MAKING PEOPLE CRY YUP?
YEAH I GOT 11/20 FOR YOUR BLOODY PAPER.
MY STUDIES, NOT YOURS RIGHT?
WHY BLOODY CARE FOR?
YOU DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT IM GOING THROUGH.
YOU THINK THAT EVERYDAY IM SO CAREFREE
EVERYDAY SMILE.
YOURE BLOODY FUCKING WRONG.
" I DONT CARE WHETHER YOU HAVE CO OR NOT,
YOU HAVE 2 DAYS TO STUDY FOR THIS TEST"
WHATTHEFUCKINGHELL?
U THINK I VERY FREE ISSIT
IM NOT LIKE JUST SLACK AT HOME,
DO NOTHING AT ALL.
I STUDIED YOUR DAMN BLOODY PAPER.
I STUDIED.
SAW THAT?
I STUDIED.
I BLOODY FUCKING STUDIED.
YOU DONT BELIEVE ME?
FINE.
ASK JIE YI LAH
I WAS RECITING THE FUCKING NOTES.
AND THEN WHAT?
GOT MT TEST.
DEN ALL BRAINWASH.
NEVERMIND.
YOU FUCKING SAID THE TEST WAS AFTER SCHOOL.
I THOUGHT I COULD REVISE ONE LAST TIME BEFORE IT STARTED.
WHO KNOWS WHATS GOING ON IN YOUR MIND.
MADE THE TEST DURING CCD.
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT FROM ME HUH?
I WENT TO TAKE THE PAPER WITH A BLANK MIND.
U BETTER BE HAPPY I GOT A 11 FOR YOU.
AT LEAST I PASSED.
LOOK,
I BLOODY FUCKING PASSED.
" I'M GOING TO CALL YOUR PARENTS"
CALL THEN CALL LAH.
I SCARED AH?
CALL THEN DO WHAT?
MAGIC SPELL ISSIT?
CALL LIAO I SURE GET FULL MARKS?
ISSIT?
I TRIED MY FUCKING BEST OKAY.
AT LEAST I MANAGED TO PASS.
YOU BLOODY FUCKING BIATCH.
CALL THEN CALL LAH.
EVEN MY GRANMOTHER FEEL THAT YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO SCOLD ME LIKE THAT.
SHE AGREES THAT FUCKING CO TOOK UP SO MUCH TIME.
YOU THINK AFTER CO CAN JUST RELAX ISSIT?
NO OTHER THINGS TO THINK OF LUH?
MAYBE THAT'S YOUR LIFE,
BUT IT AINT MINE.
BLOODY FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT.
WHATEVER.
I JUST KNOW IM GONA HATE YOU FOR A LONG LONG TIME.
I NEVER KNEW YOU WERE SUCH A INCONSIDERATE "TEACHER"
WHATEVER.
I HAD ENOUGH OF CRYING.
I AINT GONA CRY ANYMORE FOR YOU LOWLY BEING.
BYE.

2009-04-12T13:06:00.002+08:00

HEYY~
visit my blogshop yeahs?
http://tht-shoppinglove.blogspot.com/
support me yups?

thats all.
byebyes.

2009-03-22T19:14:00.005+08:00

If only-

you're here to kiss my tears away,

tears that fall cause of everything.

you're here to hold me in your warm embrace,

as my heart tears inside.

you're here to hold my hand,

and bring me through the moments when i break down.

you would understand what i really need,

to really care about me.

you would be braver and express your love,

instead of shyfully standing a far distance away.

Oh, how much i miss you,

and how i regret not looking at you,

not even for a second.

you say that u love me,

but i cant feel the love.

it just hurts so much,

that i love you so deeply while you treat us as a kind of joke.

the day u confessed,

i was really happy,

but also confused.

cause i wondered,

would i be happy with you?

right now,

i dont feel any happiness at all.

just talking on msn,

is of no use.

cause all u talk about,

aint anything to do with us.

i dont understand why u love me,

cause i realised,

i just keep saying "lol" to you.

i wish-

i could be held in your tight embrace,

that you could be there to kiss my sorrows away.

that you wold hold on to my hand,

as our rings brush against each other,

and never let go, ever.

that you would understand what i really need from you,

to know what im trying to tell you these past 4 months.

that you would be proud,

of me being your girlfriend,

that i dont have to be your secret.

im really happy you treasured the ring,

the proof of our love,

that you didnt let anyone else wear it,

im truly touched.

it seems that our love is blanding,

we're just drifting apart,

we've been tgt for 4 months,

but we've met only 4 times.

once, which you stalked me in cwp,

second, when we went for a movie together,

which all we said was " popcorn?"

third, where we exchanged our xmas gifts,

fourth, which i gave you the ring.

i really regretted not looking at you,

cause i was shy,

i knew my face would turn red when i saw you.

now,

i cant even remember how you look like,

your face is just like an old photograph,

blurred and dark.

you said u missed me,

but why didnt you bother to stay a while longer,

just to accompany me?

so what if there's others around?

dont you think its worth to be braver for me?

as i saw you go down the escalator,

my heart just tore,

cause you just kept looking down,

you didnt even look back up for a second.

i felt like crying on the spot.

i truly missed you.

i just dont know why,

after so long,

you dont know what i really need,

that i get angry cause you dont seem like you care about us.

you keep talking about yourself,

and im there to be your listening ear.

shouldn't it be the other way round?

i love you,

yes i do,

but do you truly love me?

if so,

im sorry,

but i cant feel it.

actions speak louder than words.

i dont mind what you would do to express your love,

as long as it would show me that you do love me.

ilys, but do you?

i dont know, cause i cant feel it.

2009-03-19T19:03:00.003+08:00

yk,
im sorry.
i know i threw tantrums,
tht i irritated you.
i just wasent in a good mood today.

but i got angry cause,
you treated our relationship like some kind of joke,
and i had to be hidden,
not letting anyone know.
i try to talk to you seriously,
you answer as if it didnt matter at all.

sometimes,
i really feel irritated by you,
cause you didnt spare a thought for my feelings.
maybe i didnt too,
i dont know.

but,
all this boils down to one thing.
i love you.
cause ilys,
i dont want to lose you,
and try to reason things out with you.
but everytime i do so,
u make it seem like a joke.

its been 2 mths+ since we last met,
and imissyous like i never did before,
and we were gona meet tmr.
and i had to throw a tantrum.
*#%^^%$@^

i appeared offline,
you didnt try to send an offline msg,
i came online,
den u changed ur stat as busy,
then went offline.
did you know,
how my heart shattered?
i thought,
this is the end.

yk,
im really really sorry,
i didnt want to irritate you,
but i was just in a bad mood today.
i hope wht happened just now,
wont affect us tmr.

lastly,
ilys & imys <3
i hope you understand how i feel kay?
&,
im sorry.

sorry, yk.

2009-03-12T19:51:00.002+08:00

HEYY~
BIGBULLY IS HERE! ._.
demand for update,
so here i am :D

common test results ._.
English: 32/40
Maths: 31/50 =.=
Chemistry: 12/20 zzz.
Physics: 18/20! top in class :DD
Geography: 41/50! also top in class :X
History: 39/40 second highest ._.
Home ec: 39/50 =.=
Literature: 13/25,
LIKE #!^%$&^%&^%$%#^%&@?
sec 1 i've been getting top in class.
now i get this bullshit ?!?!?!
zzz.
damn you stupid paper =.=

NEXT.
I WANT TO RANTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT.
DAMN YOU MDM TANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
I PAID FOR THE FREAKING PRIST PROGRAM
AND YOU SAY I HAVE TO GO FOR CO?

pls uh, i play so lousy,
go or dont go also no difference.
AND I DIDNT BRING MY NAILS FOR HEAVEN SAKE.
now my fingers hurt =.=
whatthehell lah.

co got pay us to go issit?
PRIST is only once in a lifetime,
and you had to deprive me from going to the science thing.
so wht if its hall prac today.

ITS JUST A HALL.
as if i never go to victoria concert hall before like that
you want me go co,
OKAY LAH.
u refund me my money and plan another trip to the science centre
THE EXACT SAME ONE LUH
you very pro horrr?
k la den u compensate us luh!

I DEMAND APOLOGY AND MONETARY COMPENSATION!!!!!!!!!
FCUK YOU MDM TAN.
YOU AND YOUR "PRO" ENGLISH.
APRIL BECOME APPLE.
PRO WOR~

everytime i see you,
i fell like getiing a knife to aim and throw at you.
you and your qianbian face.
&*(&%#$^*&^%^#$!

you only said sorry to limmin,
and using such a buaysong tone.

WHY?
CAUSE U GOT ALOT OF "FACE" MAH.

please uh,
those in co tht have prist,
is alot okay.
not only limmin.
you say sorry to her,
you think the rest of us happy uh?
&*$%^%&%^&*

everyone in prist knew i was in a bad mood for the whole day.
everytime she walked near me,
i started cursing like hell.
and they saw how black my face was.

我的脾气是很难消的.
whichever xiao is.
and then i couldent take it anymore,
i cried during co.
in the hall.
yet nobody knew.

maybe luoli did,
cause i was talking to her with tears in my eyes.
maybe zhong ruan saw too,
cause i was wiping my eyes in their direction.
did anybody comfort me.
NO.
i cried in class too.
when xiaomin came over to me and say dont emo
den i took my book to cover my face.
she told me not to cry,
but i said i wasn't.
went for measurements,
xiaomin was taking down the numbers,
thr was tears in my eyes too.
i didnt dare to look at anybody,
cause nobody has ever seen me cry before.

fine, after co.
had debrief.
gave the fcuking practice dates.
LIKE WHATTHEHELL?

every single day.
do they think we are robots?
and there's still camp.
I DONTWANT TO GO.

regardless of whether thr's PT or not.
IDONTCARE.
holidays are meant for rest
and i was sooo looking foward to it.
cause im so god damn bloody tired,
tht i want to bang my head on the wall,
& faint so tht i can finally rest.

even as i go to sleep i keep worrying,
i cant even fall asleep at night.
even if i do i guess the dreams are nightmares.

seriously,
i've had enough.
and people just had to piss me off further.
WHATS WRONG WITH YOU FREAKING PEOPLE?!

i really wish i can go to the beach.
asap.
i want to scream.
scream the hell out.
but i guess aft screaming i would break down and cry,
like thr's no tomorrow.
and i could bet nobody would comfort me.

friends cry,
i offer to comfort them,
and they do stop crying after consoling.
im not being haolian or anything okay.

i can't take this hectic life anymore.
seriously,
i really need a break from all of this.
i want to sleep,
without any disturbance.
to feel at peace for at least a day.

who knows,
if this goes on,
i may develop depression or something.
i self abused when i was younger okay.
and i made myself stop it.
cause it aint any use.
de pain in my heart,
will always be more painful,
than the cut made by a penknife.

i keep trying to cheerup
but thr's seriously nothing for me to do so.
i really feel like having a good long cry.
but,
i dont want to,
if im gona be alone.

friends,
i dont think they would console.
so,
im left on my own.
im really, really tired.
i just want to stop and do nothing for awhile.
stop adding things to my burden.

seriously, i've had enough.
i cant take it anymores.
BYE.

i can't handle this anymore.

2009-03-04T17:20:00.007+08:00

YOHHHHHHHHH :D
the BIGBULLY is here ._.
IT RAINED AGAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN.
zzzs.
make me so emo >:[
rain till cant even see anything outside =/
lemme show of my photography skills :x

NICE RIGHT?!
so prettyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy~

countless raindrops~

so...i dont know what word to use. LOLS.

prettyyyyyyyyy~xD

'tears fall the same way as rain, cause they fall for the same reason.'

THE CLOUD MONSTER IS HERE~!

seriously, the cloud looks like one ._.

ohyeah,

the rainbow the other day~

so prettyyyyyyyy~~ :x

see,

i told you the rain makes me emo >:[

i know my hair looks greasy =.=

cause i applied the stupid oil and no matter how long i wash

it doesent want to come off &^#*%$@^

so much for moisturising =.=

im done here~

BYEBYES :D

emooo~~>:[

2009-02-16T19:24:00.003+08:00

HELLOS!
im here againnnnnnnn
cause i know u guys miss me rights!
*haolian* lols.
today went for forensics science thingy
quite fun, but a little boring ):
anyways some pictures on the bus back
it was raining~!
T.T
and i got emo ._.

look at the sad sad skyyyy~

me and jy! hehs cute xD

UNGLAM!

charline choo muohohohohs.

unclear =/

shermain and syafiqah~

took quite awhile to make them pose lol.

the two charlenes!

twinnie forever :D

er,

i guess emo dont suit me lols.

*pouts as above picture*

LOLLLLLLLL.

woah,

i just posted the prev day

and im posting today?!

what a miracle ._.

okay,

nth to say anymore,

so BYEBYES :D

emo dont suit me >:[

2009-02-14T22:10:00.003+08:00

HEYYYYYYY~
im back!
did u guys miss me?
:P
i guess not ):
neverminds.

anywayyyyyyyys~
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!
didnt meet yk today T.T
i want my 99 roses nehhh :D
no meet but he went swimming >:[
how mean ._.

hmmm,
i got bored so i decided to post,
but i've no idea what to post.
LOLS.

OHYEAHS.
i may be starting a blog shop soon!
goods are from hongkong :D
DO SUPPORT ME YEAHH~
most probably will be bank transfer and mail.
hmm.

-RANDOM-
imisshimmmmmmmmmmmm D:
lawls.
311oo8 <3
and you didnt remember?!
>:[
but i forgive you xP
i want to see him nahhhh D:
stupid school =.=
almost everyday stay back.
zzzs.

hmmmmmmmmm.
HMMMMMMMMM.
i rly dont know what to post ._.

ohyeah~
im gona flunk my maths =.=
maths so bloody difficult for me!
why can majority be good at math but suck at language.
when my eng and lit are sooooooo good and my maths sucks.
bleahhs sibei hao lian :x

im soooooooo not taking a maths next year =.=
and i'll take triple science~
if not jc/poly very cham =.=
HMMMMMMMMM~
rly no more idea what to post~

once again,
imisshimmmmmmmmmmm~
LOLS.
retard ._.
yk see how dedicated i am~
LAWLS.
jkjkjkjks.

imissyouuuuuuuuuuuuus~~~~
lol.
just trying to make the post longer.

yk is mean,
cause he went swimming and shopping on valentines day with his family.
>:[
muohohohos.
and my valentine's gift flew awayyy~
when he spent $30++ on his father's birthday ring =.=
damn him lahh~
make my gift fly awayyyyy~
nuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu D:

aiyohs,
i dont want type already lahs.
people tag me~~
im bored lol.
okay im outa here :D
byeeeeeeee~

imissyouuuuuuuuu D:

2009-02-04T18:13:00.005+08:00

hellos.

pictures for today.

should i put my pic here?

hmm..

random photos.

very thick flesh of my cousin's crab lol.

SO PRETTY RIGHT?!

i draw and clr one leh xD

couple rings :D

my vandalised foolscape.

lols.

water bottle :D

see my big big name!

see how much i love 2 cmt?

i know im ugly lah =.=

what i wore for cny day 2

din take any pics for day 1

ignore the scissors and combs lol.

no more pics to show alrds.

BYEBYES.

uglyyyy. D:

2009-02-01T21:29:00.005+08:00

HELLOS PEOPLES!
its been more than 1 mth since i updated yups?
._.
so here i am.
but my mind's blank about what to post LOL.
hmmm..

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
i hate sec 2.
=.=
i cant cope with the maths nahhhs.
zzz
my eng,lit,dnt are good.
but my maths n hist sucks like damn bloody shit cans.

I FREAKING DONT UNDERSTAND
WHAT THAT FREAKING LEMON TEA
IS TRYING TO TEACH =.=
i prefer ms Ng.
she teaches slowly but clearly.
although its boring.
but this lemon tea like bullet train like that can.
think im gona fail maths this yr T.T

mum flew off to hk this morning.
damn sad cans.
woke up at 5 am to see her off
and when she hugged me,
tears welled up in my eyes.

when she left,
i went back to my bed,
and cried myself back to sleep.
when i woke, and saw the empty bed of hers,
i cried again.

people ask me,
what about my dad?
its better if they dont ask.
cause my freaking father dont even care about our livelihood.
and my mum was right about divorcing him.

at home,
thrs only me, my brother, and my granma.
my granma uses her time to take care of us,
and yet i keep arguing with her.
i feel like slapping myself.

when my mum comes back from hk,
i keep throwing tantrums.
when she flies back to hk,
i regret doing so,
oh so much.

as the saying goes,
'no one cherishes anyone till they lost them.'
this saying really applies.

when she called frm hk today,
i was so happy to hear her voice.
but the fact that she's i dont know how many kilometres away.
the only comforter i had,
has left my side to support my family.

when i cry,
thrs no one to hug me and say its okay.
to hug me and not let me go,
letting my lie on her lap as she comforts me.
as i type this post
my tears are falling.

since young,
i was very close to my mum.
in p1,
i cried everyday when i went to sch
and wouldent let my mum leave for work.
my mum would have no choice but to tell the teacher to hold on to me
as she walked away.
i cried like damned hell.
as if the world was going to explode that very second.

in p2,
my parents divorced.
i couldent really accept it.
but i had to.
eversince then,
during recess of lunch,
i would call my mum to talk to her.
i rmb there was once she was away from her table
and didnt hear her phone
i called her countless times
and she didnt pick up
choking on tears,
i went to my bag and cried.
a friend of mine,
one that many disliked,
actually came to comfort me.
that time, then i realised who were my real friends.

after i calmed down,
i called my mum again and she finally answered.
she knew i was crying and comforted me.

all these times when i cried,
my mum would always be there for me.
but now,
for the sake of my family,
she has to go to hk to work.

sorry,
i really dont have the mood to type anymore.
BYE.

2008-12-27T23:47:00.002+08:00

Love Story by Taylor Swift :D

We were both young when I first saw you ,
I close my eyes and the flashback starts :
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air .
See the lights , see the party , the ball gowns .
See you make your way throught the crowd ,
And say hello , little did I know ..

That you were Romeo ,
You were throwing pebbles .
And my Daddy said : "Stay away from Juliet ."
And I was crying on the staircase ,
Begging you please don't go ..

And I said :
"Romeo , take me somewhere we can be alone .
I'll be waiting , all that's left to do is run .
You'll be the Prince and I'll be the Princess ,
Its a love story , baby just say yes .

"So I sneaked out to the garden to see you ,
We kept quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew .
So close your eyes , escape this town for a little while ..

Oh , oh , oh .

'Cause you were Romeo , I was a scarlet letter ,
And my Daddy said : "Stay away from Juliet ."
But you were everything to me ,
I was begging you please don't go ..

And I said :
"Romeo , take me somewhere we can be alone .
I'll be waiting , all that's left to do is run .
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess ,
It's a love story , baby just say yes .

Romeo , save me , they're trying to tell me how to feel .
This love is difficult , but it's real .
Don't be afraid , we'll make it out of this mess ,
It's a love story , baby just say yes .

"Oh , oh .

I got tired of waiting ,
Wondering if you were ever coming around .
My faith in you was fading ,
When I met you on the outskirts of town .

And I said :
"Romeo save me , I've been feeling so alone .
I keep waiting for you but you never come .
"Is this in my head , I don't know what to think ,
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring ,
And said :

"Marry me , Juliet , you'll never have to be alone ,
I love you and that's all I really know .
I talked to your dad , go pick out a white dress ,
It's a love story , baby just say yes .

"Oh , oh , oh , oh .

'Cause we were both young when I first saw you ..
---------------------------------------------------------------------
OKAYOKAY.
i know its more than a month from the last time i updated.
yups, i heard this song and i just got so emotional,
cause of the lyrics.
i guess i always am.

sometimes i wonder,
why do i have such a kind of life?
i try to tell myself im better off than others,
but instead i turn around and pity myself instead.
sigh.

met some 6b ppl yesterday,
didnt do much,
guys ran off halfway -.-
oh whatever.

im just jumping topic to topic now,
cant think straight,
kinda random.
lols.

'last time,
when im not there,
u would say u missed me,
the truth is,
i missed u too.

thats was the beginning of everything.
now, we've been not talking for some days,
and u dont bother to sms at all.
if u say 10 minutes apart is very long before,
what about a few days?
if this is the case,
i guess i really mean nothing to you.

i dont even somehow hover in ur mind.
thinking back,
i cant really believe you could say such warm words to me before,
and be so cold to me now.
its just a kind of mixed feeling.

maybe because of my hot tempers i got irritating,
i said 'okay fine'
and then u sms me to say you're sorry.
what exactly am i to you?
something to play its feelings around?

i asked if u were sure,
and to think about it carefully.
u still didnt change your mind,
but,
the way you're treating me,
i dont think you love me anymore,
so why for carry on?

i talk to you seriously,
u seem as if this is some kind of joke,
not bothering to care at all.
yeps, im just an irritant rights?

since im such a person,
someone you cant get along with,
why not end it here and now,
spare me the long pain?
even though i wouldent bear to.

the fact i thought of you everyday,
that i missed you,
and i on the computer to receive such cold treatment?
the number of times you've broken my heart,
the pieces are minute already,
why break them even smaller?

you dont give me the slightest hint of happiness, security at all.
which is the least you should do.
if accepting you then makes me regret now,
i wish i could turn back time and reject you to end it there and then.
at least i would break your heart only once,
and not you breaking me uncountable times.

you dont even understand what you've done wrong.
you say heart-fluttering words to me,
it kinda makes me happy,
but,
if they're all lies,
i doubt there's any point of saying them.
i really dont know what to do with you.

u want me to change,
would you change for me?
no rights?
i try to get serious,
u change the topic,
hiding from me.
if being together means to feel unhappiness and insecurity all the time,
wouldent being apart be a better choice?

i wouldent bear to leave you,
but if its your choice i guess there's nothing i could do to change it.
i hope you're reading this, cause i want you to know how i really feel.'

OKAY! i've nothing much to say alreadys.
a long post would last me for another month rights? :D
okay okay,
im done here.
wait,
MERRY CHRISTMAS PEOPLES! :D
lols.
kinda late but neverminds.
byebyes peoples :D

i dont wish to lose you.

2008-11-25T11:20:00.004+08:00

heyyyy~

did more banned story-ing before co

-.-

feeling so emo nowadays..

so pics are rather emo.

LOLS.

3 pics today~

okay,

im done here

byebyes.

emoooo~

2008-11-23T22:15:00.003+08:00

hellos hellos :D

banned storied today!

just to waste time

._.

got so emo these few days..

along with my flu

-.-

mum came home on fri midnight

flew to KL today..

zzz

so fast jiu zao

next friday then come back sg..

den the next sunday fly back to hk.

...

sometimes, i wonder

why is my life so unfair?

i rly cant stand my life anymore

stop toying with my feelings please...

i cant stand this anymore..

i know my personality is like...

makes ppl scared of telling me stuff

but,

if a good reason is given,

i must forgive and forget aint it?

why cant you people understand..

everyday,

ppl say they care

when they do not.

they pretend to be my friend,

the next day im thrown aside

as if nth happened the day before.

some people know abt smt dat happened recently..

just wanted to tell someone something:

i hate liars.

expecially if u keep smt from me for so long.

i cant type anymore,

type anymore and tears are gona fall

BYE.

i thought you were the one..

2008-11-01T09:59:00.006+08:00

TEST.

1.The person who tagged you is?
Felicia.

2.Your relationship with him/her?
Cousins.

3.Your 5 impressions of them.
- Dont rly get along with family (like me)
- 1 yr older than me?
- Has a much much better allowance than me(like, of cuz?)
- Wakes up very very late.
- My cousin?

4.The most memorable thing he/she had done for you.
Being my cousin?

5.The most memorable thing they had said to you?
Not really sure.

6.If they become your lover, you will?
SHE'S MY COUSIN.

7.If he/she becomes your lover, thing he/she has to improve on will be?
Cheer up (:

8.If they become your enemy, you will?
Severe ties. ahahahs. no la, ask her why?

9.(Repeat Question)
huh?

10.What is it you want to tell for them now?
"CHEER UP!!"

11.Your overall impression of them is?
Doesent look happy whenever i see her. o.o

12.How do you think people around you will feel around you?
They detest me. Im just a transparent wall :D

13.The characters you love of yourself are?
Being myself.

14.On the contrary, the characters you hate yourself are?
Being myself still.

15.The most ideal person you want to be is?
MYSELF. how many times am i suppossed to repeat =.=

16.For people that care and likes you, say something to them.
"THANKYOU PEOPLES && REMEBER I'LL BE THR FOR YOU TOO!"
lols.

17. Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you.

1. Charmaine
2. Amanda
3. yk
4. wl
5. Jocelyn
6. Serene K.
7. Serene L.
8. Sheena
9. Diana.
10. Shermain

18. Who is no.6 having relationship with? (Serene K.)
No one? she's single BUT unavailable.

19. Is no.9 a male or female? (Diana)
aint it obvious? is thr a guy named "Diana"? =.=

20. If no. 7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing? (Serene L && Shermain)
I dont think they're lesbians though.

21.What is no.2 studying about? (Amanda)
MANGA.

22. What was the last time you had a chat with no. 3? (yk)
Last night in maple :D

23. What kind of music band does no. 8 like? (Sheena)
Ehs? im not very sure.. paisehhs.

24. Does no. 1 have any siblings? (Charmaine)
No.

25. Will you woo no. 3? (yk)
urr hurmms.. maybe? idk. xD

26. How about 7? (Serene L.)
She already has laoqonqs n family, and im not a lesbian.

27. Is no. 4 single? (wl)
ahahahas. YUPPS!

28. What is the surname of no. 5? (Jocelyn)
TEE!

29. What is a hobby of no. 10? (Shermain)
Not really sure ):

31. Where is no. 2 studying at? (Amanda)
Evg.

32. Talk about something for no. 1. (Charmaine)
ahahahas! JYJY! xxx ask u out must accept hors! xD

33. Have you tried developing feelings for no. 8? (Sheena)
I strongly believe that we're both not lesbians. :D

34. Where does no. 9 live? (Diana)
M'sia, i guess.

35. What colour does no. 4 like? (wl)
Ehs..idk lehs. KORR! what colour u like arhs? xD

36. Are no. 1 and 5 best friends? (Charmaine && Jocelyn)
How would i know?

37.Does no. 1 have any pets? (Charmaine)
A dog named Frosty.

38. Is no. 7 the sexiest person in the world? (Serene L.)
o.o.. idk. SERENE L! r u the sexiest person in the world?! ahahahs. xD

39. What is no. 10 doing now? (Shermain)
How would i know? We dont have telepathy T.T

okays,
im finally done.
one mre thing,
PEOPLES! im damn sian okay?
peii wo lehhhs. T.T
too bad my stupid audi cnt patch
i think some of my original files are missing..
o.o
ah neverminds,
i'll dl it again another time.

END OF POST.
BYEBYES.

sian luhhhs. T.T

2008-10-23T10:51:00.005+08:00

hellos.
im updating for real now.
should be full of rants, though.

-------------------------------------
I FREAKING HAD ENOUGH.
everytime you lose something or whatever
its all MY fault.
so what if im the one hu was with you?
its not as if i did something that made you lose whatever thing

I DID NOTHING.
if this is the case,
i guess doing NOTHING is my crime yeahs?

last time when my mum was in SG
i always followed her to the market for weekly marketing
and what?
when she lost some Shop n Save stickers or wtv,
its my fault for not hlping her carry some stuff so she can keep them.
like, whatthehell?
i was pushing the damned trolley and had stuff on my hands,
whats more
they're HER stuff.

next,
was today.
went to the market with my granma for breakfast
then we went into shop n save to buy breakfast for tmr
she wanted to use that $9 coupon or wtv
okay, fine.
i followed her arnd just to carry her stuff.
we bought stuff
but it didnt add up to $9
the the cashier said it must be at least $9
and she said
"auntie, can faster anot?"
in chinese.
like whatthehell?
its not as if we can calculate ourself how much the total right?
then my granma tell me buy some burger bread
then in was $8.90
zz.
then the cashier said that still not enough
then say "dont use the coupon lahs"
....
she should be thankful she still has her job
okay,
my granma bought smt else
then it was $9.96
okay fine. whatever.
then she exchanged a full card for another coupon
then i dont know what happened,
she said the new coupon lost liaos.
then say
"YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO HLP ME CARRY THE THINGS
THEN I CAN KEEP MEHS?
IF U HLP ME TAKE
THEN WONT LOST LE"
whatthefuck.
we din bring any trolley
so i had to carry for her
i was carrying her other stuffs too okay
and her UMBRELLA TOO.
i dint have any spare hands that can hlp her take anymore
she can still dare to say,
"u put the other things on the floor then hlp me take lahs"
SHE CANT PUT ON THE FLOOR AR?
I PUT ON FLOOR
THEN TAKE FOR HER?
then she say
"u see lar,
lost liao lor
must be i drop at the counter thr
then ppl take liao"
ITS NOT MY FREAKING FAULT.
i got so pissed off,
i said,
"everytime i go out with mummy last time to market
then she lose smt
she always blame on me?!"
as if everything is my fault when she lost it herself.
once, my mum forgot whr she put her atm card
then she started scolding me
saying
"WHY U NVR SEE WHR I PUT?!
U ALSO KNOW I OLD LIAO I EASY FORGET
SO WHEN I PAYING $$ MUST SEE I GOT TAKE BACK MY CARD MAHS?!"
then we went home
she found her card in her bag.
WHATTHEFUCKINGHELL.
then now,
my granma scolded me throughout the whole trip back home.
saying
"MUST BE SOMEONE BESIDE ME TAKE DE LARHS.
U SEE LAHS
U OSO DUNO HOW HLP ME TAKE
THEN LIDDAT LAHS"

then i told her
"mummy last time lose her stickers, cards and atm card
ALL BLAME ON ME
u think i like to go to market with her ar?
everytime say why nvr follow her go market hlp her take things
everytime she lose smt
ALWAYS BLAME ON ME
everything also my fault lahs?!
everyweek also liddat
she lose smt, i get blamed."
then she ignore me.
FINE.
WHATEVER.
at home now
she give me that bu shuang de face
like wtf?

I DID NOTHING.
N-O-T-H-I-N-G
...
now,
she need me hlp her in smt
like translating smt
she act so kind
WHATTHEFREAKINGHELLLLLLL.

I
HAVE
HAD
ENOUGH.

u think i enjoy argueing with you?
argue need energy u know?
ltr u complain to mummy
say what i show black face
then so rude to you
then my mum in webcam scold me like hell.

so what if she's ur freaking daughter?
SHE IS MY MOTHER.
I DONT CARE IF SHE IS OR NOT.
I AM ALSO A HUMAN.

i cant stand my freaking life anymores,
just now crossing the road
it was flashing green light
and i crossed the road.
didnt intend to run though.
my granma said
"faster lahs, got car"
then i said out loud
but i doubt she heard
" I GET HIT BY CAR AND DIE BETTER!"
this thought had been in my mind for very long alrds.

WHAT KIND OF CRAP LIFE IS THIS?
my parents are divorced,
i dont get along with my bro,
i argue with my mum n granma all the time,
i lose my friends all the time,
get cut off frm friends
being used, thrown aside when im not needed,
my life was unsecure before,
due to my father owing loansharks
n they came knocking at my hse
I WAS ONLY 8 YRS OLD AT THAT TIME
and because of this,
my parents divorced,
and my love for my father wavered,
i dont even feel like calling him "daddy" anymores
this left my family financially strained.
u can see that everyday my allowance is so pitiful
in pri sch it was alot worse
let me show you

PRIMARY:
without lunch: $1
with lunch $4
SECONDARY:
without lunch $1.50
with lunch: $5
what kind of crap allowance is this?

i want to buy something
USEFULL
my mum said
"use ur own money."
WITH THE CRAP ALLOWANCE IM GETTING?
when i need to buy something important
i dont eat recess,
i dont eat lunch.
RESULT?
GASTRITIS.
then my mum said,
"u in sch nvr eat issit?"
n i told her
"i need to buy something for school project
i not enough $$
so dont eat n save up lorhs."
then she strt telling me that our family really not enough money
how to give me more allowance?
looking at my expression
then she stopped.
i was close to tears.

AND MY FREAKING FATHER DONT EVEN GIVE CHILD SUPPORT.
for my bro and i
we're worth only $100 for both
oh, so thats the value of us ehs?
my mum scold my dad for not giving child support
my mum dont even ask for alimoney
my father can dare to argue
said
"im still paying the loan sharks
really not enough money"
my mum wanted to sue him for not giving $
i told my mum not to
cause he is my FATHER.
but now,
thinking back,
its my father's fault was making my family so financially constrained.
all he does is GAMBLE.
okay fine
i dont care anymore.
my father dont even want to meet me n my bro anymore
cuz he knows
meet = use $$$
no meet= no nid use $$$
FINE.
only once in how many donkey yrs
den he meets us
pls lahs
he didnt want me n my bro in the first place.

i must have killed ppl and burned ppl's hses in my prev life
just to deserve this crap life of mine
does anyone have any idea
of how i felt
when i saw the red-paint stained door of my house?
i repeat
i was only 8 yrs old.
-----------------------------------------------------

im on the verge of crying now
i guess i shoud stop.
no one cares anyways
me n my life is pathetic
no one should bother to think if i exsisted or not.
i guess im just a transparent wall
oh well.

i should stop now.
i doubt anyone visits my blog
ah well,
byebye then.
( ps for any typo errors)

I'VE HAD ENOUGH.

2008-10-19T21:41:00.001+08:00

HELLOS.
my blog is updated.
not dead.
see?

UPDATED.

okay,
i'm done here.
byebyes.

2008-09-30T14:06:00.004+08:00

hellos hellos!

lols.

gona post some pics

i made cookies today!!

hahas.

aren't they cute?
xD
hahahas.
i make myself de hor!
lols.

but duno eat le
will food poisoning anot
LOLS.
but i ate them
and im okay
lols.

okay,
that's all for today
bye peoples!

aren't they cute? xD

2008-09-27T18:45:00.003+08:00

hellos :D
okay okay,
i know i havent updated for a long long time
so im posting now!
although i've nth to say
._.

erms..
what shud i say?
ohyeahs,
good lucks for ur EOYS!
this is getting lame.
lols.

if u ask what im doing now,
im DEFINITELY not revising for EOYS.
mind you,
i dont study for exams.
neither do i revise throughout the year.

all my assesment books are EMPTY.
mum scolded me
saying i wasted her money.
._.
i also nvr tell her to buy lorhs.

i love love love Devil Beside You!
okay,
that was random.
lols.

but i like the series alot lors
just dat nt suitable for ppl
hu gross out at romance shows.
lols.

aiyas,
i nth to say liao lar
buhbyes :D

CRAP-NESS.

2008-09-13T14:46:00.002+08:00

heys,
i saw this at sheena's blog
look below~

JUNE:Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

LOLS.
it really seems to describe me
but hor,
gt smt i want to argue
"SELDOM SHOWS EMOTIONS"

its like,
so nt true lors
its like totally opposite lahs
but there's some points that are VERY VERY TRUE
for example,

"easily hurt", "stubborn", "choosy and always wants the best",
"temperamental", && "EASILY BORED"

which is soooo like what i feel right now lahs
lols.
nth more to say
byes :D

so truee lahhs.LOLS!

2008-09-09T21:31:00.005+08:00

hellos :D
long long time since i updated rites?
hahas
anws,
this will be a short post
i've nth to say

ok,
the imeem playist gt problem
de first song shud be "i stay in love"
not "cai hong"
"cai hong" shud nt be in the playist anymore
its deleted liaos

i duno liao lor
i edit the codes until like duno wad
i lazy liaos
imeem ki siao liaos
hais.

okays,
i wont update my blog often de hor
cuz i gt nth to say
but really lor
there's smt i want to say

if u people regard me as ur friend,
would i still be here,
dealing my probs on my own,
with no one to turn to?

only ONE person asked if im okay
N HE DONT EVEN KNOW ME IN REAL LIFE
he's no other than my audi kor,
xiaodreamer kor!
iloveyouuuu lahhs
xD

thanks alot
i know i din want to tell you what happened
but at least u asked
nt like those pathetic "friends" of mine
hais
thinking about it makes me feel hopeless.
forget it

ok,
im gona stop typing now,
byes peoples.

pathetic "friends" hais.

2008-08-10T17:43:00.003+08:00

MY GWAD.
i totally deleted my prev blog
accidentally.
...
speechless.

so the latest post was gone.
i wanted that post to be thr.
sians.
hais.

those that i did not link
tag me alrights?
peoples!
relink me too!

shall i try to post the same last post again?
i cant exactly rmb..
oh well,
if he's got any consience at all,
he would do it on free-will

i will not link or relink anybody
unless he/she tells me to.

ohyeahs,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SINGAPORE AND MR CHAN!!

alright,
i've nth to say anymore
byes peoples.
lols.

i miss my old blog T.T