hellos.
im updating for real now.
should be full of rants, though.

-------------------------------------
I FREAKING HAD ENOUGH.
everytime you lose something or whatever
its all MY fault.
so what if im the one hu was with you?
its not as if i did something that made you lose whatever thing

I DID NOTHING.
if this is the case,
i guess doing NOTHING is my crime yeahs?

last time when my mum was in SG
i always followed her to the market for weekly marketing
and what?
when she lost some Shop n Save stickers or wtv,
its my fault for not hlping her carry some stuff so she can keep them.
like, whatthehell?
i was pushing the damned trolley and had stuff on my hands,
whats more
they're HER stuff.

next,
was today.
went to the market with my granma for breakfast
then we went into shop n save to buy breakfast for tmr
she wanted to use that $9 coupon or wtv
okay, fine.
i followed her arnd just to carry her stuff.
we bought stuff
but it didnt add up to $9
the the cashier said it must be at least $9
and she said
"auntie, can faster anot?"
in chinese.
like whatthehell?
its not as if we can calculate ourself how much the total right?
then my granma tell me buy some burger bread
then in was $8.90
zz.
then the cashier said that still not enough
then say "dont use the coupon lahs"
....
she should be thankful she still has her job
okay,
my granma bought smt else
then it was $9.96
okay fine. whatever.
then she exchanged a full card for another coupon
then i dont know what happened,
she said the new coupon lost liaos.
then say
"YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO HLP ME CARRY THE THINGS
THEN I CAN KEEP MEHS?
IF U HLP ME TAKE
THEN WONT LOST LE"
whatthefuck.
we din bring any trolley
so i had to carry for her
i was carrying her other stuffs too okay
and her UMBRELLA TOO.
i dint have any spare hands that can hlp her take anymore
she can still dare to say,
"u put the other things on the floor then hlp me take lahs"
SHE CANT PUT ON THE FLOOR AR?
I PUT ON FLOOR
THEN TAKE FOR HER?
then she say
"u see lar,
lost liao lor
must be i drop at the counter thr
then ppl take liao"
ITS NOT MY FREAKING FAULT.
i got so pissed off,
i said,
"everytime i go out with mummy last time to market
then she lose smt
she always blame on me?!"
as if everything is my fault when she lost it herself.
once, my mum forgot whr she put her atm card
then she started scolding me
saying
"WHY U NVR SEE WHR I PUT?!
U ALSO KNOW I OLD LIAO I EASY FORGET
SO WHEN I PAYING $$ MUST SEE I GOT TAKE BACK MY CARD MAHS?!"
then we went home
she found her card in her bag.
WHATTHEFUCKINGHELL.
then now,
my granma scolded me throughout the whole trip back home.
saying
"MUST BE SOMEONE BESIDE ME TAKE DE LARHS.
U SEE LAHS
U OSO DUNO HOW HLP ME TAKE
THEN LIDDAT LAHS"

then i told her
"mummy last time lose her stickers, cards and atm card
ALL BLAME ON ME
u think i like to go to market with her ar?
everytime say why nvr follow her go market hlp her take things
everytime she lose smt
ALWAYS BLAME ON ME
everything also my fault lahs?!
everyweek also liddat
she lose smt, i get blamed."
then she ignore me.
FINE.
WHATEVER.
at home now
she give me that bu shuang de face
like wtf?

I DID NOTHING.
N-O-T-H-I-N-G
...
now,
she need me hlp her in smt
like translating smt
she act so kind
WHATTHEFREAKINGHELLLLLLL.

I
HAVE
HAD
ENOUGH.

u think i enjoy argueing with you?
argue need energy u know?
ltr u complain to mummy
say what i show black face
then so rude to you
then my mum in webcam scold me like hell.

so what if she's ur freaking daughter?
SHE IS MY MOTHER.
I DONT CARE IF SHE IS OR NOT.
I AM ALSO A HUMAN.

i cant stand my freaking life anymores,
just now crossing the road
it was flashing green light
and i crossed the road.
didnt intend to run though.
my granma said
"faster lahs, got car"
then i said out loud
but i doubt she heard
" I GET HIT BY CAR AND DIE BETTER!"
this thought had been in my mind for very long alrds.

WHAT KIND OF CRAP LIFE IS THIS?
my parents are divorced,
i dont get along with my bro,
i argue with my mum n granma all the time,
i lose my friends all the time,
get cut off frm friends
being used, thrown aside when im not needed,
my life was unsecure before,
due to my father owing loansharks
n they came knocking at my hse
I WAS ONLY 8 YRS OLD AT THAT TIME
and because of this,
my parents divorced,
and my love for my father wavered,
i dont even feel like calling him "daddy" anymores
this left my family financially strained.
u can see that everyday my allowance is so pitiful
in pri sch it was alot worse
let me show you

PRIMARY:
without lunch: $1
with lunch $4
SECONDARY:
without lunch $1.50
with lunch: $5
what kind of crap allowance is this?

i want to buy something
USEFULL
my mum said
"use ur own money."
WITH THE CRAP ALLOWANCE IM GETTING?
when i need to buy something important
i dont eat recess,
i dont eat lunch.
RESULT?
GASTRITIS.
then my mum said,
"u in sch nvr eat issit?"
n i told her
"i need to buy something for school project
i not enough $$
so dont eat n save up lorhs."
then she strt telling me that our family really not enough money
how to give me more allowance?
looking at my expression
then she stopped.
i was close to tears.

AND MY FREAKING FATHER DONT EVEN GIVE CHILD SUPPORT.
for my bro and i
we're worth only $100 for both
oh, so thats the value of us ehs?
my mum scold my dad for not giving child support
my mum dont even ask for alimoney
my father can dare to argue
said
"im still paying the loan sharks
really not enough money"
my mum wanted to sue him for not giving $
i told my mum not to
cause he is my FATHER.
but now,
thinking back,
its my father's fault was making my family so financially constrained.
all he does is GAMBLE.
okay fine
i dont care anymore.
my father dont even want to meet me n my bro anymore
cuz he knows
meet = use $$$
no meet= no nid use $$$
FINE.
only once in how many donkey yrs
den he meets us
pls lahs
he didnt want me n my bro in the first place.

i must have killed ppl and burned ppl's hses in my prev life
just to deserve this crap life of mine
does anyone have any idea
of how i felt
when i saw the red-paint stained door of my house?
i repeat
i was only 8 yrs old.
-----------------------------------------------------

im on the verge of crying now
i guess i shoud stop.
no one cares anyways
me n my life is pathetic
no one should bother to think if i exsisted or not.
i guess im just a transparent wall
oh well.

i should stop now.
i doubt anyone visits my blog
ah well,
byebye then.
( ps for any typo errors)

Charlene(:
` 8253 69 4263 ;
263 63837 538 63 46 ♥
9 june 95
14 currently
single, attached.
gwps pri 1a,2-3-4-5-6b
evergreen sec 1 itg,2 cmt3 respect(:
emotional, easily angered.
dont think you know me,
cause you dont.
& love me for who I am,
not who i am not.
same thing goes for hatred.
tag if you view my blog,
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If you hate me or my blog
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Turning Away

You said you cared
You wanna be there
But you're messing with my heart
When everybody comes around
We're suddenly apart

So tell me where it’s going
Cuz I’m about to walk away
I would turn around if you asked me to stay

You just dont understand
I wanna hold your hand
Why are you turning away
When did it get this hard
I didn't pick this card
Baby I'm walking away

I dont know why
I stand by you
The way I do
When you don’t care about me
It’s just not right, what you put me through
I can’t believe I ever fell for you

When we're out, we're out together
But today you didn’t call
Last night really happened, boy
And again you made me fall

And how can you just do this?
It’s like I’m not even there
How hard could it be?
Just pretend like you care

You just don’t understand
I wanna hold your hand
Why are you turning away
When did it get this hard
I didn't pick this card
Baby, I’m walking away

I don’t know why
I stand by you
The way I do
When you don’t care about me
It’s just not right, what you put me through
I can’t believe I ever fell for you

When I look into your eyes
I get this feeling
And I know it could be so right
Just want to be what's in your heart
I don’t care as long as I’m with you

I don’t know why
I stand by you
The way I do
When you don’t care about me
It’s just not right, what you put me through
I can’t believe I ever fell for you

I don’t know why
I stand by you
The way I do
When you don’t care about me
It’s just not right, what you put me through
I can’t believe I ever fell for you

I wont bother to link or relink you unless you told me to.
Tag me if i didnt link you :D

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